| Welcome to Deer Park. We have arrived, we are home. Please enjoy your breathing. |
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Mindful Living
Conscious Breathing
Listening to the Bell
Waking up in the Morning
Walking Meditation
Sitting Meditation
Eating in Mindfulness
Sangha Body
Taking Refuges
Noble Silence
Dharma Talks
Dharma Discussion
Living Together
Beginning Anew
Taking Care of Our Anger
Working Meditation
Lazy Day
Practicing Verses
Five Mindfulness Practice
Fourteen Mindfulness Practice
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Fragrance of Tea Flower |
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Nammo Sakya Munaye Buddhaya Beloved Thầy, Dear Thầy, i am very happy here at Prajna Temple. i keep praising quietly, “The Dharma is truly deep and lovely!” i would have never imagined that i could live together with more than a couple of people. i avoided parties, because i felt lost and lonely in the crowd. The first night when i arrived to Prajna, the monastery was in total silence. i was very surprised, because I had been informed that 170 people were there. Suddenly, i thought of the story about king Asajatu, who killed his father to usurp his throne. Haunted by guilt and fear, the young king was frightened by the noble silence in the monastery that the Buddha and over 1000 of his disciples were dwelling. i myself was not frightened but pleasantly surprised by it. Once i came in the room, many sisters stopped by to greet me. i bowed and smiled to the bright and friendly faces. After a while, i saw that there were still many sisters standing around my newly assigned bed, so i said to them, “Dear sisters, please return to your room to rest. i probably need to rest, too.” Do you know what their reply was? “Elder sister, we all live in this room ”!!! 16 people live in a 5 meter-squared room, which includes an indoor restroom 1mx3m, with one toilet, a sink, and a shower head. This restroom is divided into 3 sections by two curtains, so that one person can use the toilet, 1-3 people can use the sink, and one person can shower/wash clothes simultanously. When i climbed onto my bunkbed on the upper level for the first time, i hung my weight on it as i had often done in my domitory in college. Unexpectedly, the whole bed tipped towards me, and i jumped down quickly to catch...the bed. i have enough experience by now, and i can climb onto it skillfully like a cat. i sat down with the sisters in my room two days later, and they told me many interesting things that happened since my arrival. One younger sister shared that when she came back to the room that night and saw me sitting on the bed, she thought i was a monk; she freaked out and walked backward out of the room. Another sister admitted that she was too afraid to come back to the room the whole next day, because to her, i was “gigantic.” One older sister was “told on” by the younger sisters that she became “gentler and more lady-like” since my arrival. They used to call her “Papa monk” or “Pop,” but now she behaved like a “Mommy,” and they were all happy to “suddenly have two mommies in the room.”
A small bell is invited at 4:00 a.m. to wake up the Sangha. The Great Temple Bell is also invited at that time. The sounds of the Great Bell and the chants reverberate throughout the mountains. Local people also take these sounds to wake up and prepare for the new day. At 4:20 a.m., the activity bell is invited to announce it is exercise time. Everyone quietly does walking meditation to the meditation hall (on the upper level) and the dining hall (on the lower level) in the adjacent building to do the Ten Mindfulness Movements. Every level is full of people. There are young aspirants who are still sleepy, standing like zombies and raising their arms only occasionally. Even though sitting meditation begins at 5:00 a.m., most are already at their cushions by 4:50 a.m. Sister Thoại Nghiêm has already begun to go to places with the empty cushions, and if there are no signs such as “service” or “ill,” she would take away their wooden name tags. These sisters would need to go to sister Thoại Nghiêm to explain the reason they missed the sitting session, ask to have their name tags back, and return these tags to the meditation hall promptly. If not, the meditation hall care takers will not set up the sitting place for them that evening or the next morning. So many people are on the waiting list to come to Prajna. Thus, everyone is motivated to practice in order to maintain their eligibility here. Our sisters chant energetically and powerfully! In Plum Village, i often felt self-conscious of my loud chanting voice. i do not have to worry about this here, because my voice blends in with the Sangha’s like milk in water. We eat breakfast at 6 a.m. Everyone leaves her shoes outside and walks barefoot into the dining hall. The shoes are aligned neatly next to each other, and sometimes when i come out, i see my shoes have been moved closely to the door threshold; i am touched by these quiet kind gestures. There are three serving tables (for 170 people), narrow and only 1 meter long each, because our food is simple and few in variety. We usually have rice in all three meals, with a stir fry dish and a vegetable dish. There is soup at lunch, but sometimes we have totally just one dish. The sisters ask to have rice, instead of noodle soup of some sorts, because they get hungry very quickly, and they cannot work or sleep well at night. In the dining hall at Deer Park, there is a separate table full of bottles and containers of soysauce, olive oil, chilies, peanuts, sesames, etc. and etc. Here in Prajna, food is flavored with enough salt, and only occasionally that there is a bowl of soysauce or sautée tomatoe sauce on the serving table (tomatoes are too expensive for cooking). The shopping sisters also try to roast sesame for the Sangha, but the jar is emptied so quickly, that only 2-3 days later we see another jar. In principle, we can talk after two sounds of the bell, but everyone remains silent throughout three meals; some whisper if it’s very necessary to exchange something. i am happy with this, because that little tiny dining hall would be like an open market place if everyone talks. Before sister Thoại Nghiêm left Deer Park to return to Prajna this last October, she told a number of us that the sisters in Prajna crave for sweets. Upon hearing this, some sisters thought that their craves for sweets due to them being teenagers. i myself thought it could be because they were malnourished. After a few days in Prajna, i found myself craving for sweets as well. Sister NhÜ Hi‰u also shared that the other day she had a lolly pop, and it tasted better than any candy she had ever had in France! We both laughed together, because we were far from being teenagers. Each time when our brothers and sisters from Plum Village are together for a meeting, we bring all the sweets that we each have, place them on the table, and eat together. The truth is that none of us has the heart to enjoy these sweets alone, if we don’t have enough to share with those we live in the same room with. Last week when we had a meeting with the Venerable Abbot of Prajna Temple, he said he felt much love for us coming from Plum Village, because we all become darker and thinner here. “Even brother Pháp Khâm, who was fair and round when he first arrived, now also looks so dark and thin!” (“he’s looking more like a mountainous person now,” a sister whispered, and all of us giggled). “Well, we have given 70%, 80% of ourselves, so we can give up to 90, 100% of ourselves. We just continue to stretch our arms a little longer. So many people desperately need our practice. Centers like ours must be present everywhere in Vietnam in order to rebuild our country....” the Venerable spoke with such enthusiasm, and with a charismatic smile. We looked at each other and laughed, admiring the Venerable for his talent of giving us effective spiritual boosters. Before i came to Prajna Temple, i heard sister Thoại Nghiêm saying that the biggest problem here is attachment. I reacted strongly, believing that people with that tendency should be expelled from the community. i also felt the need to plan “cold war” strategies to protect myself. However, having been living together with the sisters and listening to them, i am understanding better the causes and implications of their tendency for attachment. Most monastic sisters are under thirty years of age, and most aspirants are under twenty. Their laughter is clear and carefree, and they love to sing. They know all the Plum Village songs (more than i do) and also write new ones, so many times i end up lip singing or just standing there listening to them. After i had been here for a couple of days, many came to befriend with me. They also came to ask about their health concerns. All day long, wherever i go, there are people, and there are also always people asking for consultations. The Western concept about “personal space” cannot be applied here, and it can cause severe frustration and stress. i practice “bringing joy to the people in the morning, and alleviating suffering in the evening.” i learn to let go of demands for “me.” i take refuge in each step and each breath, in order to take care of my energy, to rest, and to help others from approaching me carelessly or unmindfully. i practice noble silence each Lazy Monday for at least half a day, because i conduct an anatomy class for our sisters later in the afternoon. On last Sunday evening, it was past 10 p.m. already when one of my mentees came to my room, asking me to help her with her insomnia because, she said, “i know you’ll be practicing Noble Silence tomorrow.” i told her to return to her bed, lie down, and follow her breathing. If she could not sleep that night, it would be O.K. She’s had this problem several years, and we were not going to solve it that night. She walked away angry, and her steps were heavy. A few days later, i asked her if she was still mad at me, and she said her anger resolved after she had been following her breathing for a while. i asked if she knew why i sent her back to her room that night. “Because you want me to practice taking refuge in myself,” she replied. All of us Plum Village sisters take on mentees during this Winter retreat. Young sisters such as ThÀn Nghiêm, Cung Nghiêm, and Cát Nghiêm each also has more than ten mentees at the “Angelic Age” (from 13 to 18). We joke with each other, “in our community of Bhikshunis, there are those who take care of 10 new practitioners, those who take care of 20, those who take care of 30, and those who take care of 40....” Because all of us, monastics as well as aspirants, live in one building, the sisters have the tendency to “stop by” your room anytime they want. Some also tend to “hang out” nearby or at a distance, looking at you with curious and affectionate eyes. Sometimes i return to my room late, feeling exhausted, and i see some young aspirants knocking on my window, waving and smiling!!! i have requested a couple of my mentees to memorize the sutra “Taking Refuge in the Island of Self.” They are to recite it to me by memory, to contemplate on this sutra, and to apply this teaching in their daily lives. Having lived with the sisters and listened to their life stories, i understand more why some of them are prone to attachment. Many of them do not receive love or positive communication in their families and in their previous temples. Therefore, when they happen to meet a person, who has some freshness and who spends time to take care of them, they will want to attach themselves to that person with the hope to benefit more of that understanding and comfort, which they have been deprived of for so long. They will want to attach their hearts, fragile and full of sadness, to a person they think they can entrust. Attachment often begins in this way in many temples and monasteries. In order to take care of this phenomenon, i see clearly that as older brothers and sisters, we must practice to nourish stability and space within ourselves, so that we can understand others more deeply with time, and so that our love entails no “hook” that others can “attach” to or on.
Moreover, people’s tendency to admire you and to depend on you can water your seeds of wanting to take care of them and to protect them, and, at the same time, it waters your seeds of pride and repulse for them. As a result, one can fall into a situation of both grasping and abusing those who are close to him/her. Since that day, i observe attentively my energy manisfested via my breathing patterns, my heart rate, and the relaxation level of my body, before i remind someone of something. i also ask myself if i really need to make any comments in that moment. If i do, i stand still for a while afterwards, to check in with my body and mind state. Do i have peace? Is there residue of irritation and violence? Only with understanding and compassion, cultivated from a diligent practice of mindfulness and self-reflection, can we protect our mind of love and offer constructive insights to others. Our Dharma teachers have begun to interview the aspirants and visiting nuns (who request to stay and practice with us) these past three weeks. i also participate in these interviews to help assess their health conditions. Each day, we use the working period, an afternoon activity, and the evening sitting session to conduct interviews. i have learned a great deal from these sessions. There are sisters who are so innocent and pure; they want to become monastics because they have seen how beautiful monastics can be in their fine manners, behaviors, and speech. There are also those who come from unhappy families; their parents abuse and neglect each other, and the young people do not want to repeat this cycle of suffering. There is one girl who spent most of her tender years caring for her mother with mental illness, begging for food, working as a maid, and defending her mother and herself from perverse men. There are those who came to live in the temple since they were only 3 or 4 years old. Yet, their faces are somber, their hearts closed of, because they have witnessed such division and abuse in their root temples. There is one sister who “sincerely wants to practice,” but she acts “obnoxious and rude, jumping up and down in front of everyone at times, just to see if Plum Village sisters are really earth, or are they just in ‘disguise of a Zen form’...” Dear Thay, it is very painful to hear all of these and more. In his last minutes before the Buddha died, he was so compassionate as to ordain Subhadda as his last disciple and to advise the new monk to practice diligently towards liberation. Suddenly, i touch the immense love in your heart, and i understand why it pains you when we have to turn someone away from our practice center here (albeit our facilities are stretched beyond limit). Our environment of practice has the capacity to nourish and enliven the faith and aspiration in people. i sincerely hope that my brothers and sisters, monastic as well as lay, will come and help build true practicing communities in Vietnam. While i was preparing to go to Prajna Temple, an intense fear surged within: “What if something happens and Plum Village cannot sponsor me back to the East?... Well, my blood brother in Arizona can take care of my ticket home....” This brief fear gave me an insight as to why some brothers and sisters of Vietnamese nationality do not want to return to Vietnam, even to help establish and maintain practicing centers in Vietnam, once they had the opportunity to go to Plum Village. Sometimes when we have had to suffer and to struggle so much in our lives, we do not have to go through it again. Of course, the material comforts, the emotional comforts, and the comforts of having well-established centers in Plum Village, in Deer Park, and in Vermont are wonderful and attractive, but shall i allow myself to settle for them? During moments of deep happiness, i have asked myself what would make me leave the Sangha. The answer came that when there is no longer a genuine practice in the community. Yet, another insight followed, that i have the responsibility to practice wholeheartedly, and that i am to offer up my life to the service of Sangha building. i must practice to be always ready to join my brothers and sisters to go anywhere. Anywhere that has the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha, there is nothing to fear. Beloved Teacher, you are here in every second and every minute. You are the tea flowers emitting fragrance throughout the mountains and valleys. You are the stream that flows through all paths. Even though our center is newly established, with your wisdom of Sangha building, the support of the Buddha and the patriarchs, the wholehearted care of lay friends, and the diligent practice of our brothers and sisters, Prajna is growing tremendously quick and strong. Every late afternoon during exercise period, some of us practice marshall arts, some weed the tea hillsides, and some jog along the creeks. Our sisters’ clear laughter entertwines the luscious green of the mountains. A chanting voice is heard nearby: “Now that i have entered this holy place To you our deepest gratitude. Brothers and sisters at Prajna Temple, Sr. Dang Nghiem
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