The Breathing Room

Every family should have a peaceful space or breathing room, where any member of can take refuge. In this new century, it is time for everyone to have a true refuge. It is important to have a place to recuperate, to restore one’s peace and stability. When the United Nations was established in New York, it was clear that a spiritual center was needed within the building, so the Church Center for the United Nations was built. In this center is a small meditation room. Though it does not have a cross or a Buddha statue, it is a place where people go to take refuge and return to themselves, in silence.

A breathing room does not need to be large. It can even be part of another room. It can be a closet you have emptied and cleaned that has room to sit comfortably and breathe. We simply need a place to go when we do not feel solid and peaceful. We have rooms fore eating, for guests, for television and Ping-Pong, for everything except peace. I would like to see territories of peace set aside in schools, hospitals, city halls, corporate offices, and prisons—areas that no one can violate.

The breathing room in your home should be a territory where everyone has immunity, where anyone will be protected and safe. You can design it according to your needs; it does not have to be Buddhist, Christian, Jewish or anything else. In this room you might have flowers, a few cushions or chairs, and a small bell. Invite your children to help set up the room, and show them how to use it. When you or your partner is angry or unstable, the room is there for you; you can go there right away to restore yourself. When someone takes refuge in this room, everyone else should turn off the television and music to respect his or her need for peace and quiet. To establish this as a family practice, you might want the whole family to sign a treaty agreeing that the room or space will be used only for the restoration of peace and stability.

You can make the breathing room a part of your daily life, not just a place of refuge during an emotional storm. Each morning, before leaving home, you and your child can share a few minutes of mindful breathing. You can make it a habit: instead of just wishing each other a good day, you actually make it so, by starting your day this way. Walk quietly together into the room, by starting your day this way. Walk quietly together into the room, sound the bell three times, and come back to yourselves. With this practice, the day always begins well.

In the evening, before going to sleep, your child can also visit the breathing room, sound the bell, and breathe mindfully. Even if it is not your bedtime, please join her in the breathing room and then accompany her to her bedroom. Afterward, you can continue what you were doing. Just before you retire to your own bed, go yourself to the breathing room and practice sitting, listening to the bell and smiling. This practice supports you and your child in making the day end peacefully and will help the next day begin peacefully.

From Creating True Peace - Thich Nhat Hanh